Something Is Always on Fire by Measha Brueggergosman

Author:Measha Brueggergosman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Canada
Published: 2017-08-31T04:00:00+00:00

In the fall of 2014, I gave a Walrus Talk on “The Art of Conversation,” at Mount Allison University in Sackville, New Brunswick. In the talk, I maintained that the ongoing conversation or dialogue we have with ourselves is arguably the most important exchange we’ll ever have. It is the well from which all motivation springs. For instance, if before a performance I was to think, I am going to crash and burn, this is going to be awful, there’s no way this is going to go well, then I would spend the entirety of my time onstage trying to prove myself wrong. Whereas what I choose to believe is, This is going to be amazing, your lives will all be forever changed, and you will leave from here, cure cancer and instigate world peace.

I have a lot of conversations with the dead. Barely any of the composers I sing are still alive. In fact, they’re likely to have been dead for close to a hundred years or much, much more. They can offer no audible advice save for what’s left behind in the written score. Consequently, my stylistic decisions are informed by context and experience, and in the arena of technique, my mind has much to tell my body before I even make a sound. Backstage before a performance, I’m usually talking myself off the ledge, trying to convince myself to move forward, swallow the fear. I check to make sure there’s no lipstick on my teeth, that my hair isn’t going to fall in my face, that my dress is on properly, that a bra strap isn’t showing, a boob isn’t hanging out, my Spanx are hiked and doing their job. Any number of things that could go wrong I expect will go wrong. And then, I come out, I see all of you, and I am immediately calmed and assured (and reassured) of my responsibility to you. Reassured, because I know I’m fulfilling a purpose. I choose to believe it is the purpose of God’s will over my life, and that takes off a tremendous amount of pressure, because I know I am called to do my part and anything after that is up to Him. I come to my spot. Sometimes my pianist is about to start playing; sometimes the conductor is about to indicate the downbeat for the orchestra.

For my part, I am focused on looking pristine, like I am in total control . . . I’m also wondering what the first words are. And then, there is breath, but before the breath there is posture, and within the posture there is alignment, and with alignment comes a good breath, and when you take a good breath, it has to be well timed. It has to be perfectly in time. It has to be devoid of tension but purposeful. It can’t engage the jaw. It can’t involve the tongue. It has to raise the soft palate. And then, you have to think about the consonant. If there is even a consonant.

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